BLAUGH NUMBAH TUUUE

Michele Bachmann caught in torrential downpour, dies instantly

Late last Tuesday night, Michele Bachmann was taking a walk with the mayor of St. Paul, discussing their plans on strengthening their border security for 2012, between Minnesota and Canada, when it suddenly started to rain. Eyewitness’s told the press that she began to scream loudly, turned green, and then melted, only leaving a pile of clothes and surprisingly enough, a pointy black hat. Water in the area was quickly brought to a nearby hospital, but Michele could not be resurrected. Many of the Republican Parties major political leaders have made some comments on her passing, as well as some ideas as to why or who killed Senator Bachmann. Glenn Beck issued a statement soon after Bachmann’s passing, stating “The passing of Michele Bachmann is a truly sad subject, but I would like to bring light to a more pressing matter, finding the men who did this, namely Osama Bin Laden and his rag tag band of followers!” Sarah Palin could not be reached for comment, as she is still in critical condition after a house had fallen on her earlier in the month. Riot squads are still working diligently to quell the swarms of midgets who have been all over Alaska singing and dancing sense Mrs. Palin was hospitalized. The Democratic Party has been shunned from the media for their rash claiming that Bachmann was some kind of “Witch” and was linked to some super secret program or society of some kind called “O.Z.” Their national support has dwindled in the last couple weeks as reports of Obama supports have disappeared mysteriously and claims of “flying primates” have landed many others in insane asylums. So far only one arrest has been made, Hillary “Glinda” Clinton was arrested because of evidence linking her to the house that had fallen on Mrs. Palin, and also she is believed to have stolen a pair of shoes of Sarah Palin’s feet. She’s is currently being transported on Interstate “Yellow Brick” by top men, codenamed “Scarecrow” “Tin Man” and “Cowardly Lion” and is on her way to face the Wizard, oop I mean judge. The story will be developing for weeks to come and we will keep you posted, we swear on the Emerald City.

Bradley Morison, Senior Writer